I will be the first one to admit that I am not always on time for every event and gathering with family and friends, let me just clear that out.
But, if I am taking time out of my day to spend time with you l, then I want it to go well, nice, and smooth. At the end of the day, there is only so much I can do to have a good time. If you are texting me throughout the day: “Oh, idk if I’ll be there on time”, “How about we go eat downtown? I don’t like that place”, “I’m almost there”; you have officially killed my mood and I no longer want to spend the day with you.
It becomes obvious when a person is not organized or does not care about the time you take to plan a day. If I spend time, money, and effort to be there for you, then I would like the same in return. I don’t want you to put limitations on why we can and cannot do because it doesn’t make for a good Instagram picture. I, frankly, don’t give a shit about your Instagram followers and how many likes a panorama of Downtown SD is going to get compared to square-cropped image of a $4.99 Jack In the Box burger.
Even if it doesn’t involve social media and society’s expectations, at least take the time to tell me you want to go someplace else. Don’t tell me when you’re 10 minutes away from my house and you need to use my restroom to pee. Rude.
At the end of the day, I have come to realize that there is only so much time we have to spend with family and friends and if you are not putting in the same effort that I am to have a good time and build the relationship that we have then there can be discussion about it and I can move past it or the relationship doesn’t have to exist anymore. Your choice.
How is it possible that an institution of higher education can expect their students to go into debt for years to come just so they can receive a thin piece of paper at the end of four years?
How is it possible that the federal government deems it moral to make interest off the loans it makes to struggling students just trying to earn a degree?
How is it possible that students are basically forced to balance a full schedule of classes and four jobs just to make ends meet and make tuition payments on time?
How is it possible that people spend the remainder of their life paying off student loans until they are six feet deep in the ground?
How is it possible that students spend four years working to earn a degree only to end up scrambling for a job in a weak job market?
How is it possible that the federal government can expect a family to pay in full for the cost of four years of college for just one student?
How is it possible that these are my last thoughts before I go to sleep every single night?
As I lay on my bed and hear raindrops outside my window, I can already picture the tweets and pictures posted of teenage girls pretending they’re sad or drinking hot cocoa as if the dark cloud above had commanded them to do so. They like to pretend that when it rains they’re in a movie, playing the scorned girlfriend being driven away in a taxi cab as the ex-boyfriend stays behind with his new love. But, the next day rolls around and their life returns to normal. But, for some, there is just no escaping the pessimism that rattles their brain day in and day out. And I am one of them.
As if adulthood wasn’t scary enough, my brain has to remind me of every bad decision or unfortunate scenario that could happen just to make me suffer a little more. A couple holding hands may remind me of the girl I never had the courage to ask out to Homecoming. A glimpse of my dog running in the backyard may remind me that she will not always be there to greet me in the morning or running circles around the lemon tree forever. I even find myself checking cars to see if they have an alumni license plate cover; which I then make a mental note of and compare to the type of car they are driving. From this, I then try to estimate just how much money I will be making after my undergraduate studies… which doesn’t leave me very motivated to say the least. I’m pretty sure my brain is dead set on making my life a living hell.
The actions above only make up a small part of my day, I still laugh and have fun and make light of a bad situation; because, after all, most of the things I worry about are yet to take place. I understand that the future is yet to come and when it does I will handle it to the best of my abilities. But, somedays, I do wake up with an even bigger worry that overshadows the rest: that I will die without the opportunity to do many of the things I want to pursue in life.
Death, even when I was a small child, has always seemed like such a perplexing concept. Why would God give us this beautiful life to live, filled with friendships and first loves if in the end it would all be taken away from us? When I was much younger I used to cry at the fact that I would lose my mother, father, sister, and everybody else I cared about. Nowadays, I sometimes stay up past, trying to digest the fact that there will come a day when my parents are gone. Trying to digest the fact that one day my friends will be gone. Trying to digest the fact that one day I will be gone… doing who know what… and the world will keep turning for millions of years to come. Perhaps it’s not so much the fear of death but rather that I love life too much to part from it. There is just so many opportunities and experiences out there that one cannot expect to fulfill them all in one lifetime. But, no matter how scared and desperate I may wake up, I always find a way to accept these truths and calm myself enough to go back to sleep.
While this all may sound extreme to the normal person, this is very routine for me. I picture it as if there was a little cloud over my head, sometimes its a small little puff that lives for moments at a time. But, other days its a cumulonimbus cloud that sends down heavy rain and lightning bolts, preventing me from enjoying the day around me. My goal as I move upstate and work towards my future career is to try and move past the rain that surrounds me and instead of sulking around, I will try and dance in the rain. Wish me luck.
It’s crazy how I keep coming back, that no matter what rumor I may hear or how my friends may warn me and discourage me from associating with you, I still accept that invitation to dinner. I still continue those text conversations where you don’t reply for hours. I still make small talk with you in hopes that you’ll finally realize that I am crazy for you. But no, you fall in love with one boy and then another and somehow it feels like I’m your own personal toy. You leave me on the shelf and when you get lonely you pick me up for just a bit of entertainment. But when another tall boy with greasy slicked back hair and some extra cash comes around, you push me out of the way because I am just that… a toy. I don’t think you will ever take me seriously but for some reason I keep coming back, regardless of the fact that we can never have an intelligent conversation. There is nothing slightly stimulating I receive from the talks we have, rather it’s all emotional. But maybe that’s why I keep coming back, because for once I don’t have to think around you and be wary of any judgment because in your eyes I’m just a toy that could do no wrong.
The White House lit in rainbow colors following US Supreme Court ruling in same-sex marriage case
There are many days that people will remember in history and I can only hope that the American population will remember June 26, 2015 as the day the United States took a step to becoming a more inclusive and loving place for all people, regardless of their sexual orientation.
My heart is overjoyed knowing that close friends of mine and people across the country alike have the option to be joined in marriage. Too long have they fought for this right and far too many times they have been denied it in return. And while today is a huge step in the right direction, there is still work left to do.
There are still people in this country that believe being gay is a sin (I’m talking to you Westboro Baptist Church) and that see this historic decision as a step backwards. I would just like to remind them that this world is constantly changing and that everyone must adapt and embrace change, despite how different or strange it may seem. aid you do not do so, you will be left behind (and trust me no one will take a second to look behind and attempt to bring you back).
The Supreme Court’s decision has brought a fresh breath of air into this country and I hope everyone maintains this positive and optimistic outlook as we face more challenges in the future.
The title card above was and is still a staple of my life. There is almost nothing that makes me as happy as watching a classic Disney film, where good always triumphs over evil. And while many may criticize and brush off my affinity as childish, I think there is so much more to learn and appreciate from a children’s movie than a gory, battle-ridden movie that ends in complete and utter distraction.
The newly released disaster flick named San Andreas, starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, outlines the destruction of the state of California after a powerful earthquake and tsunami ravage its population. Despite the minute likelihood of these events ever happening, audiences around the world watched as a whole state’s population was wiped out under the debris of skyscrapers or a single wave. Whether or not audiences enjoyed the film, movie-goers still decided to drive over to their local theater, buy the ticket, and endure the violence and gore shown. What confounds me is just that.
What do people expect to learn and appreciate from such a movie? The only thing worth admiring is the intricacy of the special effects and life-like CGI animation. But, the characters, plot, and overall message are diluted in order to give room for yet another explosion or disaster. The director and producer kill hundred more people with a swift command… and all for what? Apparently just for shits and giggles.
And while a Disney movie may not exactly be the perfect guide to live a fulfilling life, they do teach you to be honest, respectful, and brave among many other characteristics. Not only that, but every time you watch a Disney film again, there is always something new to see: a new lyric you hadn’t heard before, an unexpected image in the background, or a joke that you didn’t understand as a child. That, I find, is the beauty of Disney movies; no matter how much you age, there is always something new to see. An action film cannot offer anyone that.
After writing my last post and ending it with a short story about the TV producer for Caitlyn Jenner’s new mini docu-series, I began to think about the roar that Jenner has caused on social media and how people have admired her new appearance. However, it seems that her new look is the only thing young people on Twitter and Facebook seem to care about.
Of course the obvious topic of discussion after a transgender person undergoes transition from one gender to another will be their appearance. But society, and especially young people, must learn to admire and appreciate the bravery of all transgender people if we ever hope to make further strides in equality in the near future.
On top of this, not only have some been focused purely on her looks, but others have also tried to tarnish her accomplishments by claiming she won the Arthur Ashe Courage Award over handicapped veterans and athletes with physical disabilities. If anything, I believe she deserves this award more than anyone else. I am not trying to diminish the difficulties that other athletes overcome in the face of adversity, but it takes much more courage to be yourself rather than fight against a physical barrier. To come out from one’s shell and face the public eye and judgment takes a great amount of courage, something I think we can all learn from Caitlyn Jenner.
And if anyone still questions Caitlyn Jenner’s bravery in coming out as the woman she is, I leave you with this quote:
It is revolutionary for any trans person to choose to be seen and visible in a world that tells us we should not exist. – Laverne Cox
St. Ignatius Church at the University of San Francisco
While I do not believe that the college application process is easy for anyone at all, I do hope to shed some light on the grueling experience it can be and what I learned from it.
First of all, I started writing college application essays the summer before senior year. While most of my friends were enjoying the beautiful San Diego sunlight, Coronado beaches, and Rita’s shaved ice, I forced myself to stay inside and write out 14 essays (I think… the whole experience left my brain a little foggy) that attempted to explain why any college should accept me. What I should have done instead was to let the inspiration come to me, because those were the moments where the words I wrote truly reflected my character. Locking yourself away in your room and meditating to find your true self will not help you write an essay; trust me… I tried.
Given that I had written my essays so early on in the year, I already entered senior year with an inflated sense of self and a determination to accepted to a top college. Obviously, these expectations were completely unrealistic and ultimately hurt you in the end.
I was not accepted into a U.S. News & World Report Top 10 University, but I was lucky enough to be accepted to eight of the fourteen institutions that I applied to (among them Carnegie Mellon University, University of Southern California, and New York University). However, despite the prestige of these universities and the success that precedes it’s alumni, some of them did not resonate with me at all. I did not want to spend my days studying in my dorm in Pittsburgh or piling up a gargantuan amount of debt in Los Angeles. It seemed that all these colleges had something I was not comfortable with and would take away from the college experience… except for one: University of San Francisco.
Never in my life had I heard about the University of San Francisco until my senior year, and even then I did not picture myself attending school there. I had underestimated this wonderful school based on their SAT scores, student admit rate, average GPA, etc. and had not even taken the time to look further into their core beliefs and their impact not only on the city of San Francisco but also the world. My college application process was riddled with pure statistics and stereotypical reviews of each institution and because of that, I almost chose a school that was not right for me and the life I want to lead. I used to think that college was just a stepping stone to ‘success’, that as long as you did well you would prosper in the future. But college is so much more; it is about exploring yourself, your beliefs, and striving to change the world for the better.
Many students (and their parents) get stuck in the mindset that a more prestigious institution will bring about greater success, whatever your definition of success may be. While that may be partially true, it is what you do with your time and studies that will lead you to your version of success. My very own parents were shocked at the fact that I chose USF over the other schools I was accepted to, but they give me their full support and have no doubt in my abilities and for that I am immensely grateful.
If anyone else feels the same pressure of being accepted into a prestigious university, I will share with you another story:
I was sitting in Mrs. Hughes’s AP English Language & Composition class when an ex-student of her class walks in (a normal occurrence for this teacher given that she is dearly loved by many students). Mrs. Hughes asks him to introduce himself and name his school and current occupation. The young man told the class that he graduated from San Diego State University a couple of years ago and is now living in Los Angeles and working as a TV producer. We all surely thought he was working for a small sitcom or a weird reality show that is shown at 2 A.M. But, he told us he had worked with Jennifer Lopez for an interview (and that she smelled like peaches FYI) and was currently working on Caitlyn Jenner’s upcoming mini doc-series I Am Cait. The amount of jaws that dropped and gasps that echoed across the room was astounding; nobody would have ever thought that a SDSU grad would grow to be such a huge success (based on a high school senior’s standards). But, that 5-minute dialogue he gave switched my perspective on college and taught me that no matter what others may think of your school or what online rankings may say, you make your own success.
Hello WordPress and welcome to Wherever I Go, a place where I will be expressing my opinions, recording memorable moments in my life, and exploring myself as I grow.
I figured that now would be the perfect time to start this blog as I will soon be moving from Chula Vista, California to heart of San Francisco to study Business Administration (this might change) at the University of San Francisco. Moving away from my family and becoming more independent will most likely be a rough transition but also one that I am immensely excited for. This blog will hopefully be an outlet for me to speak my mind and reach out to new people with their own unique life experiences.
I intend for this blog to be a place where anyone can voice their opinions despite my own beliefs and for it to be a conversation, not a single, boring, and draining lecture that I give out to the people of WordPress. With that said, you will be seeing more of me from this moment on and I await what everyone has to share with me; I hope you are all equally excited to see what I have to share with you.
Wherever I Go 